How to get back in the game...

[ihkmom]

I have recently been struggling with this question and finding it increasingly more difficult to convince myself that it is even possible. I've recently lost my mother suddenly, am still recovering from a recent surgery and have closed the door on a two year separation which has just ended in divorce. I am tired, empty, sad, disconnected and short tempered with the world. All in all just not "present" or in the game. I know my son is suffering the backlash of all of this and I am truly at a loss as to how to get "back in the game."
Anyone have any similar experience where any type of trauma knocked them off their game? If so, please share how you found your way back. I just can't see one!

[ncarr]

Alena - I read in your post that you are still recovering from a recent surgery so I am unsure how active you can be but I think that physical activity/getting out and connecting with others could be the "key" to getting you back in the game. By being physical I mean doing some action to get involved. Like, pushing yourself to participate in your son's extracurricular activity (if he has those) OR going out with friends (if that is not possible) than invite a few friends over for a little dessert snack break to just have some hot beverages (coffee, tea, etc) and tell each one to bring their favorite dessert. That way you are in your own environment but they can bring the "cheer" to you and hopefully through talking maybe even some laughter too!!

Also, you could re-connect with your family...a cousin, sister, niece, aunt, grandma OR anyone else that you use to have a close connection with. Start slowly by talking on the phone and then work up to going out to an event together (if they live in the local area).

I hope these few tidbits offer you some HOPE that a brighter day is just over the rainbow for Y-O-U And last but certainly not least, if you are a spiritual person re-connect there because their is a higher power in your corner and he is constantly watching over you

[mutantsupermodel]

My husband and I recently separated and now I have the bulk of responsibility for the care of the three kids. There are days that quite bluntly really suck.

First of all, I think you're already on the way because you know what's going on and you know it's affecting you and others and you want to do something about it and that's a really big step.

What I find works for me is distraction. Any time I find myself with too much "thinking time" I see it leads to major funk. So, I'm always forcing myself into things. I went on a cleaning FRENZY right after the separation for instance. Now, I'm throwing myself into NaNoWriMo which is a contest to write 50,000 words in just one month.

What really did it for me though was when my best friend pretty much guilted me into going on a trip with her to Atlantis. Yes, you read correctly-- guilted. I really did NOT want to go because of the crap in my head. But I did and since then, I'm a different person. There are still yucky moments but I'm doing much better now.

Good luck!

[ihkmom]

Thank you for your suggestions and for sharing your personal experience. As I get stronger I will def. try some of these things...I think I came to a bit of a realization today and have decided that I need a bit more time to "be" in this space I'm in...and to allow myself the ability to be here and not be sorry for it or feel guilty about it. I've decided to begin with a daily mantra..."I am a good mother. My son knows I love him. I give myself permission to mourn my loss and come to terms with my inner struggles. When I am ready I will find the balance I seek".
We'll see this may or may not help...but I'm starting with baby steps, because otherwise I fear I may just implode and then I'll be no good to anyone.

[naturalcandles]

Alena,

You are definitely on the road to recovery. You've been dealt some very serious things all at the same time, so you need to go through your mourning. You need to mourn the passing of your mother, mourn the death of your marriage and last but not least deal with a surgery with can be traumatic.

Just like a person who is recovery from addiction, you need to take one day at a time. Perhaps a support group might help be good so you can talk to people who have gone through the same things as you. You also have us! Even if it's just to vent. Writing can be very cathartic, even if no one sees it. Grab a notebook, write down all your feelings about what is going on in your life and then burn the pages.

Take care!

[AimeeHeller]

I am sorry for the experiences you are going through. I've always found hope in that idea of when god closes a door he opens a window. I like what many of the other moms had to say and to add my 2 cents, I believe in hope. Hope that things will turn out better and that's what motivates me.

From my experience I've dealt with the down times by throwing myself wholeheartedly into a new "obsession". I hope that it will lead to new and better things as I work hard to master whatever it is I am trying to accomplish. whether it's trying to write, paint, clean, and, after my divorce, i fell into knitting which i had never done before. i joined a knitting circle and took classes, learned about all the yarns...surprising how fast time passed and i established a whole new support network.

Enjoy your son. Heal with him. How about finding something you can do together to connect with him.

the best to you...